Conflict Resolution

    I have not or cannot remember a resent disagreement or conflict that I have faced in any part of my life. But over the past few weeks I have learned some very valuable strategies that would help me in the future. On the website The Center for Nonviolent Communication there are some great skills that will allow me to better prepare myself for future conflicts or disagreements.

Nonviolent Communication Skills (NVC)

 NVC offers practical, concrete skills for manifesting the purpose of creating connections of compassionate giving and receiving based in a consciousness of interdependence and power with others. These skills include:

 1. Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;

2. Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;

3.Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and

4.Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).

 I also reviewed the website The Third Side where they discussed the 3S assumptions and discussed some misunderstanding that people have about conflict and how to work with conflict.

3S Assumptions

Conflict, in itself, is not a bad thing. Conflict is a natural and healthy process, necessary for making progress and dealing with injustice. The world may actually need more conflict, not less, if the appropriate skills are known and conflict can be managed productively.

That the goal is not to end or eliminate conflict but simply to transform the way it is expressed ­ from destructive forms such as violence, abuse, and intolerance into constructive forms such as debate, dialogue, negotiation, and democracy. Conflict is inevitable; violence is not.

The way to transform conflict is to create a strong container for creative contention. This container constitutes the Third Side of any conflict. The container can be created by the surrounding community friends, neighbors, witnesses, neutrals as well as by the parties themselves.

You don't have to take sides in a conflict, nor do you need to be neutral. No matter where your sympathies lie, you can choose to take the Third Side, in other words, the side of the whole whether that is the family, the work organization, the community, or the world.

 You can choose to take the Third Side anytime in the conflicts around you. This means seeking to understand all sides to the conflict, encouraging a peaceful nonviolent process for engaging deep differences, and supporting an inclusive outcome that addresses the essential needs of all

Responding to conflicts productively requires courage, preparation, knowledge, skills, creativity and coordination.

You have an important role to play in transforming the conflicts around you, whether you are one of the parties or a Witness to the conflict. You can make a significant difference.

By working together in a systemic way, we can create a strong Third Side for even the most intractable conflict. As the old African proverb goes, "When spider webs unite, they can halt even a lion."

The Third Side is not a new idea. In some form, it exists in every culture. Indeed it is the most ancient human processes for dealing with deep differences. It does not belong to any group or organization; it is the common heritage of humanity. It belongs to you.